UTVols News and Opinions

Well, heartbreak has engulfed Big Orange Nation, and I know Coach Scooter is still not back to being my usual self, so I apologize for taking an extra day before being able to report about last week's game. Sunday night, my wonderful mother in law drove like a bat out of hell, sirens blaring, over to our house when she heard I got home, since she knew I was feeling lower than Mississippi State in the SEC standings. Despite her best efforts of a delicious chicken parmesan dinner and a hot fudge ice cream Sunday for dessert, I could not be cheered up and ended up crying myself to sleep. Sweetie just watched her Lifetime movies, drank the leftover beer from the tailgate and said, "Did you guys eat all the Funyuns?"

Last weekend was one of the best game day experiences I have ever been to in Knoxville. Well, up to the last nine seconds of the game. As you will see later, it was both the Tennessee and LSU people that made the day special, and as much as it hurts me to relive that moment in time, I have a responsibility to the readers of this website to report what happened. Pull up a box of Kleenex, Vol fans, here we go...

LSU 28 - Tennessee 24

The Vols found a new way to break our hearts on Saturday as JaMarcus Russell's four yard touchdown pass to Early Doucett with nine seconds left gave the Tigers a 28-24 come from behind win. You would have thought the Vols didn't have had a chance in hell of staying on the field without their starting QB, especially against the nations #1 defense. After Erik Ainge tried to give it a go, he gave way to freshman Jonathan Crompton, who went 11-for-24 for 183 yards and two touchdowns and almost pulled the game out. As good as he looked, don't forget about the man who got us this far, all right?

Tennessee News

Vols travel to play Hogs

It was announced on Wednesday the Vols are still not sure if Erik Ainge or Jonathan Crompton will start against Arkansas. However, LaMarcus Coker is expected to return from a knee injury, so that is great news. The game is at 7:00pm on ESPN2.

Coach Fulmer had these comments on the game ahead: "We're going to run the football better than we have. We have to take some pressure off the passing game, although the passing game has certainly been our strength. We have to take some pressure off our young quarterback and help our defense more. At the same time, when people challenge us in passing situations or man-to-man situations, our strength has been getting the ball to our receivers and we will certainly not change that. The emphasis from my standpoint is to be down there and see where we can get out running game better and focus on that."

"This has been an exciting team, a responsive team as I've said a number of times. There's a lot of pride in this group of young men and coaches, and I expect and believe that we will re-center ourselves and focus ourselves on what we need to get done these last three weeks. We will take the challenge that's in front of us and work like heck to get this win and go from there."

Vols announce suspensions

Coach Fulmer announced that Arian Foster will be suspended for the first half of the Arkansas game, David Holbert will be suspended for the entire Arkansas game, and Antonio Wardlow will be suspended for the Arkansas and Vanderbilt games. All three student-athletes also face internal discipline. "This team has been really fun to coach and very responsive to us as coaches. When we have had issues of any type, we have dealt with them firmly and quickly and moved on. Our leadership and our discipline have grown throughout the year, and have been reflected in our efforts on and off the field." "The three young men who were arrested let their teammates, coaches, administration and great fans down. Their behavior is an example we certainly remind them about, when immature male ego mixes with alcohol and stupidity."

Coach Scooter's comment: As much as I respect and appreciate the work of Coach Fulmer and the players, I was surprised by the punishment handed out. I thought he set a zero tolerance policy, and yet we have three players breaking the law while being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and they get a minimal suspension. Does this mean zero tolerance should be upgraded to 1.5 tolerance? I was not privy to all the information that is involved with this case, but from my perspective, I was shocked Coach Fulmer did not lower the boom more than that, and wished he would have practiced what he preached. How long until everyone starts calling him the Donna Shalala of the SEC?

Coach Scooter's Weekend Diary

Friday - 1:35 p.m.

After stopping at the liquor store for a fifth of "Daddy's Apple Juice," Coach B reenacted the scene from Animal House when Otter tosses various items to Flounder, and just like Flounder, I dropped most of them. As we left I heard, "Irv, clean up on aisle seven..." The highlight of the trip was the attractive young lady wearing mukluks. Now, I am all for ladies looking hot, but wearing those in 60 degree weather made me want to ask, "Is there a sled dog convention coming to town?"

3:05 p.m.

Coach B and I were almost through the long trip up to Knoxville and were pretty bored. Among the highlights of our conversation were:

After showing me his satalite radio, Coach B switched from the heavy metal station, where we were being serenaded to Motorhead and Megadeath songs, to a bluegrass station. I became concerned, so I asked him if they would ever play, Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer, and he said no. It was then I became disinterested.

We listened to ESPN Radio for a while, but became bored since every story was about the Louisville victory over West Virginia. You would have thought nothing else exsisted in the world. Of course, once they took a break from that, they went to updated coverage of the Michigan-Ohio State game, which is not going to be played for three more weeks. I looked at Coach B and said, "Well, I guess we can switch it back to the bluegrass..."

Among the bumper stickers we saw that caught out attention were, "I'm not speeding, I'm qualifying," "I'm not following too close, I'm drafting," and the best one of the day, "GR8NBED." Many pillars of the community driving along I-75 today. I have to mention when the traffic got a little heavy, Coach B reverted to his Smokey and the Bandit days by uttering, "If this gets any worse, we might have to pull off a big Smokey Red Dog 22."

4:16 p.m.

We pulled into a gas station once we got into Tennessee and I noticed a great present for all the Vol fans on your Christmas list: a giant sized Big Orange lighter! Just using that thing would most likely torch your nose when you lit it so please try to be careful...

5:05 p.m.

Another must for the trip was a visit to Hound Dogs to stock up on supplies. Coach B immediately went to the car flags, and after seeing the camo flags, he proclaimed, "Those camo flags are just waiting to be bought!"

5:57 p.m.

We needed to pick up dinner, so where else would two Vol fans stop to get dinner? Buddy's BBQ! It's like pulling into the promised land after 40 years or wandering through the dessert! We pulled in and the aroma of BBQ hanging heavy in the air was heavenly! See that look on my face? I only get that look when I am about to eat dinner, or when Sweetie wears the little UT Cheerleading uniform I bought her last Christmas. Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have brought that one up...

Saturday Morning

10:06 a.m.

We got on campus about 10:00 so we could get into the tailgate spot Flame had for us. One thing we noticed that I should mention to all Vol fans is about car flags. Coach B and I were trained from Uncle J.L. to always observe the two flag minimum. Two and over and great, but never fly just one. That looks like ass.

10:24 a.m.

We dropped by the Tap Room, well, actually, we opened the Tap Room since it was just us and the bartender. He smiled wide and said, "Hell yeah, we're open. It's gameday for God sake." We knocked back a couple of Millers, but were disappointed by the fact the Chex Mix was not put on the bar yet, and I could not find the jukebox. I was really wanting to hear Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer, since I was denied yesterday. The line of the morning so far came during ESPN College Gameday. I looked up at Rece Davis and after thinking about it for a minute, I proclaimed to the rest of the bar, "Doesn't Rece Davis look a lot like Peter Brady?" It got a laugh out of Coach B, and the bartender was so amused he gave us one on the house.

10:56 a.m.

After a successful show at the Tap Room (Successful since we weren't asked to leave this time) we headed up to our old stomping grounds, the Longbranch for our traditional slugging back a PBR tall boy. I write slug since you pretty much have to slug yourself to get it down, but hey, I'm all for tradition. The funny part about this is after I ordered the beers, an LSU fan smiled and extended his hand and said, "You two are the only people under 60 years of age I have ever seen order a PBR." We laughed about it, and afterward, I should have asked if he wanted one. I managed to catch Coach B in an inglorious moment coming out of the swanky Longbranch bathroom (the bathroom attendant must have either been on vacation or in jail). The second picture is Coach B chasing me out of the Longranch to report they just got another case of PBR's and we had to help them drink it all.

11:34 a.m.

I contacted Captain Riptide of the Big Orange Army and he told me to report to either General Jamison or Colonel Black for duty, so Coach B and I walked over after the Longbranch to find General Jaimison so he could enlist us in the Georgia Infrantry Division of the Big Orange Army. We both were honored and excited as the General gave us our official dog tags, then posed for a picture. He even let us wear his silver helmet. We called our wives to tell them the good news, but for some reason they were not enthused. Our thanks to General Jamison for showing us a great time! If you would like to join the Big Orange Army, go to: www.bigorangearmy.com

12:27 p.m.

On the way back to the tailgate we noticed several LSU fans who were posing for pictures with everyone in either orange or purple, so I did a little investigating. I talked to one of them, Tom, A.K.A. Busanut, who told me they pick one game a year to go to and get all dressed up and have a huge party at the game. There must have been 50 guys dressed this way and they were all a blast! I promised to include them in this week's column, as well as all the upstanding young Christian LSU girls who happend to be walking by and wanted to get into the column too. Busanut asked, "Don't you wish you were a Tiger fan after seeing those girls?"

1:45 p.m.

I spoke to a man named Butch at the tailgate, and he told me this was his first Tennessee game. He asked me what he could expect, and I replied, "There is no way to describe what you are about to witness for the next three and a half hours inside Neyland Stadium. We then discussed the finer points of Wrestling or "Rasslin," as he called it. We agreed Jerry "The King" Lawler was cool, and promised to find out what ever happened to the Mongolian Stomper (I was pretty sure he wasn't from Mongolia), "The One Man Gang" Ronnie Garvin, and if the foreheads of Ric Flair and Dusty Rhodes have healed yet. The comment of the afternoon was Butch telling us, "Hell, son, those boys get paid millions of dollars to get their faces smashed in. I had my face smashed in for free in all the bars fights I've gotten into..." Thanks, Butch, it was fun hanging out with you on Saturday!

2:12 p.m.

Not to be outdone by the LSU Girls, the attractive and oh so sassy Tennessee girls at the tailgate posed for a picture for Coach Scooter's College Football Diary. The girl on the left is wearing a T-Shirt reading, "Tennessee girls rock." Ya gotta love that! And before you ask, that's not chef Paul Prudhomme in the background. By the way, I tried to get both the LSU and Tennesse girls to pose for one picture together, hoping for a tailgate wide catfight to break out, but alas, it was not to be...

2:27 p.m.

We decided to leave for the stadium at 2:30, so we mixed one last drink before leaving. Coach B decided to place a tiny Power T sticker on the car after each drink, which wasn't a good idea once we got home and the wife saw how many drinks we had. We also had a message from Mr. Daniels telling us that indeed, Jack lives here...

3:28 p.m.

I finally got to see the Vols run through the T. Sweetie and I missed it since we were out trying to scalp tickets before the Bama game, so this is my first sight of the T in 2006. And yes, I got teary eyed as they ran though...

Hat of the day goes to the gentleman three seats over. Instead of a giant Tennessee lighter, I would rather have that Smokey Dog hat for Christmas!

8:15 p.m.

Coach B and I bid a hasty retreat from the tailgate site since we were both broken hearted and couldn't bear the thought of talking about the game with anyone else who was there. However, we did get a chance to speak with one of Knoxville's finest, Officer O'Malley, who was directing traffic. We were going to offer him some of "Daddy's Apple Juice" to keep him warm, but we figured that was a huge conflict of interest that could of landed us in a lot of trouble, so we figured he could settle for keeping his hands warm with the heater while we sipped on an ice cold Dr. Pepper.

Sunday Morning

9:13 a.m.

We decided to get out of Knoxville early and head back to Atlanta. We were both feeling down in the dumps, so Coach B suggested, "How about I buy us breakfast at the Cracker Barrel?" That made me feel a little better, but we did have to make a stop so I could ring out my handkerchief due to the fact it was still a little wet from all the crying last night. Here is a picture of where we dropped the tears after we left...

10:56 a.m.

Fianlly, we were back on the road to Atlanta so we could let the healing begin. I have to mention these nuggets: I tried my hand at that infamous Cracker Barrel brain teaser known as the peg game. After the fifth try without leaving one peg, Coach B sipped his coffee and remarked, "Um, Scoot, the more times you play that stupid thing, you should be finishing with fewer pegs. I've watched you for a half an hour and you keep leaving more pegs." As we walked to the car, I noticed a licence plate reading, "Don and Betty," with the picture of a German Sheppard next to it. Coach B and I debated all the way back to Atlanta if the dog was supposed to be Don or Betty. See what happens when Tennessee loses and we are forced to think about these things on the drive home?

Mailbag

Coach:

Sorry I have been out of touch lately, but you know how that parole thing works. Anyway, I was happy to be back in Knoxville, and sorry I missed you at the Longbranch. Klondike told me you and Coach B were there. Sorry you missed my homecoming post game party. Anyway, I was disappointed, but, hey, you can't win them all and LSU was tough. The more we fought, the quicker they came back. Frankly, I think it was just piss poor coaching there at the end. We didn't stop 'em on 4th and 8.....argh. Not to mention, D was probably tired...they had been on the field all friggin' day. Russell looked like friggin Gumby. He would bend, but never break.

Aunt Molly

Hello Aunt Molly!

I heard you were back in town, and was sorry I missed you at the 'Branch. I know that was a tough one to take, but those things happen in the SEC. Remember Cousin Randy's going away party last summer? (He was leaving town to avoid two angry women) I told you if we could go 9-3 or 10-2, that would be a nice surprise. Well, look at where the Vols are now and have a realistic chance to do that. Whatever you do, keep the faith!