UTVols News and Opinions

Welcome to another edition of Coach Scooter's College Football Diary. I am writing to you from the Peachtree Street Psychiatric Hospital after what the doctors are calling Post Volunteer Stress Disorder. They say I should be up and around to watch ESPN in a few days so say your prayers for a quick recovery before the South Carolina game. Last Saturday's game was one of the most stressful, but exciting games I have ever seen in Neyland Stadium as the Vols scored ten fourth quarter points to beat Alabama 16-13. The doctors will not give me anything sharp to write with, so my nurse, Vanessa, is taking dictation while I am recuperating.

Let's get to the action in Knoxville, while I take my medication...

It was Sweetie's first Tennessee game, so I prepped her as much as I could because all that orange can be a bit overwhelming to a rookie. We met Uncle J.L. and his wife at our tailgate site, which is in middle of all the action on Cumberland Blvd., just down from the McDonalds. It's a prime location for all sorts of pre-meditated mischief .

(Below left) The tailgate spot. The two guys standing were making jokes about some of the Alabama floozies that came by the tailgate site. They were sure the girls came in fresh from the Dolly Parton look-a-like contest in Urban Cowboy.

(Far Right) A picture of my nephew, Coach Brandon, who one day will take over the column for me, Uncle J.L. in the middle and that handsome guy on the right is me, Coach Scooter (Sweetie typed that part). And yes, there is medication from Dr. Daniels in those orange cups.

After settling in, we walked down Cumberland Blvd. towards our favorite bar, The Longbranch Saloon. As we walked, the sounds of Runaway by Bon Jovi could be heard, which prompted Uncle J.L. to quip, "It's not a Tennessee tailgating party without Bon Jovi." Next door to the Longbranch, we noticed several members of the Big Orange Army standing on an orange tank. Sweetie was a bit nervous at this point since she was sure if the Vols didn't win the game, these guys would drive the tank down Cumberland and start shooting at anything in crimson. Did they get their helmets from Doug Neidermeyer? For more information about joining the Big Orange Army, go to: www.bigorangearmy.com.

We walked into the Longbranch just as they were hauling out pieces of the doors from last night's pool tournament that got out of hand. Uncle J.L. bought us two PBR longnecks, which left a memorable aftertaste that I am still reliving with every swallow this week. We walked upstairs to the veranda (Yes, the Longbranch does have a veranda) but before walking out to the deck to see the crowd action on the street, I looked on the bar and find a very disturbing site. (below) They take their tips seriously at the Longbranch... http://www.longbranchknoxville.com/
After the Longbranch, we made our way down the street to another Knoxville icon, the Tap Room. As we walked in, the jukebox was playing, Ring of Fire,which got the crowd jacked up. I was pretty sure if a crowd of people wearing crimson would have stepped inside, we would have had a re-enactment of the brawl from Blazing Saddles.

I noticed a bottle of Crown Royal resting on the bar in front of me. A few minutes later, a mountain of a man named Bill walked over and sat down. I introduced myself and told him about the column so he shook my hand. As we shook hands, I noticed his large hand rapped around mine so his fingers were touching each other, which made me wonder if I was shaking hands with Andre the Giant. Hey Bill, save me a seat since Coach B and I are coming up for the LSU game, all right?

Sweetie was excited to see the local celebrities who have graced the Tap Room ceiling over the years, so she took pictures. Peyton and Kenny Chesney must have been regulars...

Sweetie was doing all right to this point, but seemed curious about a lot of things we Vol fans seem to take for granted. "Why is that guy wearing orange suspenders? Why are those Alabama girls wearing the same black and white hats? Why is that McDonalds orange and white?" It was then I knew all my prep work during the week to get her ready for her first game was going to fall short on this day. Um, the pink Power T hat was her idea... Isn't my Sweetie cute? (she wrote that, too)

Sweetie was not happy we didn't have tickets. At 3:00, the tickets were still going for anywhere between $125-150 EACH, so we had to play the waiting game. Sweetie did manage to get the picture of the day (right). A six pack of Whoop Ass was a whole lot cheaper than the tickets....

The game went back and forth and for me, that's probably the most stressed I have ever been in Neyland Stadium. Well, except for the time I got a couple of hot dogs and accidentally sprayed mustard all over the back of this woman sitting in front of me. She happened to be with her boyfriend, who looked like Dick the Bruiser, so it is a wonder I didn't end up looking like the Oscar Meyer Wiener himself. However, Saturday was stressful from the time we started buying our tickets until the final gun. I think I embarrassed Sweetie when the lady sitting next to us kept staring at me. I think I frightened her when I crouched down in front of my seat with my orange and white rosary beads around my fingers for most of the fourth quarter. Sweetie just shrugged her shoulders and said, "He didn't get like this even on our wedding day."

Finally, I could breath a sigh of Big Orange relief as the seconds ticked down, and the game was over. Sweetie had to get a picture of me after the madness ended, to prove I got teary eyed.

After the game, Sweetie and the MC of the tailgate, Flame, decied to do a victory dance. Since she clogged at our wedding, and Flame clogs after all UT victories, this had the makings of a real Kodak moment. Judge for yourself below. The quote of the night was Flame telling the crowd, "We didn't come here to pray, we came here to win!" God bless that kid!

Another week is in the books! Don't miss this Friday's column for all the weekend action, as well as a special interview from a certain Vol that might interest you! Until then, keep rubbing those orange and white rosary beads, repeat your game maxims, and never take Coach Fulmer's name in vain! Send your questions and comments to: volsdiary@yahoo.com. Go Vols!!