Saturday, October 14, 2006
Coach Scooter's College Football Diary Vol.10
Welcome to Coach Scooter’s Friday Preview Edition of the College Football Diary. We have a weekend to finally take a deep breath and get ready for the tough part of our schedule, starting with Alabama on the 21st. This is the last weekend to sit in front of the TV and not have to worry about a thing. Here is what you will see, starting what happened on Thursday night in Chestnut Hill:
Virginia Tech 3
Boston College 22
A huge surprise as Boston College flattened Virginia Tech 22-3. The game was close at halftime as BC led only 7-3, but then the Jokies came apart at the seams. Several penalties at crucial times, a botched punt that went through the end zone and players fighting amongst themselves on the sidelines were among the issues Frank Beamer will have to address in the coming week. Also of issue in the fourth quarter during a timeout was a VT player shown dancing on the field as if his team were ahead. Did you hear Kirk Herbstreit lose it on air? It sounded as if he was going to pull a Ric Flair, rip off his suit piece by piece and go down to the fields and start cleaning house. I felt like pulling a Neidemeyer from Animal House to tell him, “Whoa big fella, whoa…”
Saturday’s Games
Vanderbilt at Georgia 12:30pm Lincoln Financial Dave Neal/Dave Rowe
If Vandy had Jay Cutler, I would say they would have a chance against the Dawgs, especially after UGA’s disappointing loss last Saturday. The only question about this game is how many hot dogs will Dave Rowe eat before the game?
Ohio State at Michigan State 3:30pm ABC Brad Nessler/Bob Griese/Paul McGuire
What will ABC’s angle be for their announcers this week? Last week it was corn dogs at the Cotton Bowl, so I am guessing it’s going to be a drunken Paul McGuire slugging it out with Sparty the Spartan on the sidelines. Personally, I will take Sparty on a TKO in the 3rd. Come to think of it, that might be a better fight than the one on the field.
Ole Miss at Alabama 3:30pm CBS Verne Lundquist/Gary Danielson
Vol fans can get an early scouting report on the Tide for next week’s game, so this one is worth watching. Is it just me, or does Ed Ogeron look like he was separated at birth from Tony Saragusa? If I were Ed, I would take my next recruiting trip to the Briscoe High School Hawks since it looks like from their Nike commercial, they are pretty good on both sides of the ball, and he needs players. Did you know their starting wide receiver Ryon Williams’ mom is Jill Arrington? That alone should garner a D-1 scholarship.
Oregon State at Washington 6:30 FSN Brian Davis/Sonny Sixkiller
This one is included since the game will feature color analyst Sonny Sixkiller. Similar to Petros Papadakis, Sonny Sixkiller has a cool name, and therefore, he has to have a shout out in the CFD. He also scores points since he was in The Longest Yard, with Burt Reynolds and was a former QB with the Washington Huskies. This begs the question, who gets more chicks, Petros or Sonny? Vote today at volsdairy@yahoo.com.
Florida at Auburn 7:45pm ESPN Mike Patrick/Todd Blackledge
Is it just me or does seeing Tim Tebow’s face on your TV make you want to pull an Elvis and shoot it out? Just so you know, Aunt Molly has had to set up a tab at Best Buy. As I mentioned in Tuesday’s article, Florida has not made a FG this year, and even though they added Sgt. Hulka to show them how to use their big toe, this one might come down to a kick, and if that is the case, Auburn has made a few of those this year. Then again, the word Field Goal is not well received in a lot of the state of Alabama…
Michigan at Penn State 8:00pm Brent Musburger/Bob Davie/Kirk Herbstreit
Since Brent Musburger is announcing the game this Saturday, it reminded me of one of the greatest replays I have ever seen. Last week on ESPNU they replayed last year’s Fiesta Bowl with Brent Musburger and Gary Danielson. I don’t know if it was because of contractual arrangements, but the entire game was done without the announcers audio. Isn’t that a dream come true? Watch a great game, and not have to listen to Musburger and Danielson? Since Turd-Burger is on the mic this week, I might wear out my mute button so I can relive a truly great moment in college football.
Boise State at New Mexico State 8:00pm ESPN (Sunday) Ron Franklin/Ed Cunningham
All right, that does it. The King is relegated to the Boise State/New Mexico State game on a Sunday night. First of all, Sunday is for pro football, and second, anyone who does a game in Las Cruces, New Mexico has to be at the bottom of everyone’s broadcasting totem pole. This is a Pam Ward/Andrew Ware game, not for the great Ron Franklin! It just goes to show Las Cruces is a hot bed for college football, rivaling Knoxville, Baton Rouge or Oxford. I went to the New Mexico State University website to get more information about the game and found a picture of the school’s rodeo team on the front page. I am sure Ron is walking around the Motel 6 in Las Cruces asking his agent, “When are you getting me out of here? What about that gig you tried to get me last month at the Knox County Fair announcing the winner of the ugliest man competition? Is that still open?” I think it is time we voiced our opinions. Go to: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?page=contact/espntv and tell ESPN your thoughts about having The King be assigned to better games!
SI Jinx?
Coming this Monday, get your copy of Sports Illustrated with Antonio Wardlow on the cover after his blocked punt. The article is on the SEC, and how strong the conference has become. There have been several instances of a jinx after your team or athlete has graced the cover of the magazine. However, the Vols have an off week, so if these things run like they should, UT should struggle against Off Week, but win a close one, then get ready for the traditional matchup against Alabama. For more on the SI Cover Jinx, go to: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/features/cover/2002/jinx/main/
Never too early for those Alabama memories
Speaking of Alabama, and since we have an off week, I started thinking about the best UT-Alabama gameday experience I have ever been a part of. It came in 1999 when the Vols took their first trip Tuscaloosa since the 20’s.
The campus was gorgeous and so were the women since everywhere we looked, there was not a runt in the litter. Coach B and I found a liquor store across the street from campus, which was on our list of necessities for the day. After a 30 minute wait in line that stretched down the sidewalk, you told the first person you met behind the bar what you wanted, then slid quickly to the next person who took your money, then down to the last person who had your change and liquor of choice all wrapped up in a brown paper sack. It was efficient and quick, but made me think we were in the Soup Nazi episode from Seinfeld. And yes, like Newman, I looked into my bag, joyfully said, “Bourbon!” then high stepped it down the street. Funny thing was it was around 11:30am, before a 3:30 game, and by the time we got in to order a bottle of Dr. Daniels, the attendant told us they were sold out of all things with Jack’s name on it. Coach B and I stood there as if the guy was speaking Chinese, but then again, the Big Orange Nation was in town, so eventually it made sense. In the end, Wild Turkey was on sale, so we took it.
Coach B and I got into the stadium and had not eaten yet, so we got a stadium hot dog. I have to write that no matter how many stadiums I have ever been in, the hot dogs at Alabama are still the best I have ever eaten. I still get a little drool on my lips thinking about that one perfect hot dog.
The game was close early, but the Vols pulled away in the second half to win 21-7. The best part of the game was a long TD pass Tee Martin threw for a touchdown. In my excitement, I hugged the lady next to me and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. She must have been 103 years old, but she was wearing orange, so she was getting a kiss. Needless to say, her and her husband, another AARP charter member, never said another word, and left with about five minutes left in the third quarter. Well, there’s more space for us I suppose.
We went to the game with Coach B’s wife and two of her friends from school, Steve and Sandy who were great to tailgate with. I remember Sandy and me walking with our arms around each other, which was strange since I was dressed in orange, and she was in crimson, but it was one of those perfect college football days, so we all went with it. Suddenly, from behind I hear a torrent of explicatives, and upon further analysis, I realized Coach B was yelling at someone. I turned, knowing as soon as I did, there was a high probability someone was in the process of opening up a can of whoop ass. I saw Coach B standing his ground on the front lawn of the ATO house with about 100 members massing in front of him. It was then the startling realization comes to me: those boys are big. Those boys are mean. Those boys are seriously pissed off at Coach B. Armed with a flask of brown and an orange and white shaker with one of those flimsy plastic stick handles, he was ready to do battle. In one swift motion, I walked over and picked him up off the ground and carried him to safety. I did this not because I was strong, but I was sure I was about to get my can blasted back to Atlanta too so you’d be surprised what being scared to death will do to your muscles. However, on the way back to the sidewalk, he gave them a few ideas about how they could improve their fraternity, followed by two descriptive suggestions that are physically impossible for the human body to do. Trust me, I looked it up.
On the way home, we were in the traffic jam that made me think it was a career, so to pass the time, Coach B, who had finally cooled off from the fight he was still convinced he could have won, went on an infomercial about the pants he was wearing, which were Bill’s Khakis. Before he could tell us about the deep pockets, for the fourth time, he passed out, which was a relief to us all. I found a can of Pringles, so was pretty much quiet for the rest of the trip as well.
Of course, our night was not over yet. Since Steve and Sandy’s house was not finished being built, they were living in an apartment. I slept on the couch, Coach B and the wife on the inflatable mattress, and Steve and Sandy in their bedroom. Sure enough, about three in the morning, I wake up with the terrifying realization, “Coach Scooter, you are about to be VERY sick.” This presented problems on several different levels starting with the fact I had never been in their apartment before, it was dark, I was half asleep/drunk, and I was going to be buying a Buick at any moment. I got up, tripped over the inflatable mattress, then proceeded to do a perfect imitation of a Plinko chip as I hit every wall in the place until I found the bedroom. Good thing it was a one bedroom apartment or I really would have been in trouble. Once I found the bedroom, I convinced myself I could tip toe in there, do my business and they would never know. Funny the things you can convince yourself of at three in the morning. So I am tossing my cookies, and after the first toss, I was pretty sure everyone in the complex heard me, so the thought of this being a surgical strike were pretty much out the window. As I am doing my thing, Coach B’s wife nudges him and asks, “Aren’t you going to go in there and help him? Coach B replies, “What can I do?” She thought about it for a second and said, “Yeah, you’re right,” then rolled over and went back to sleep. Great friends…
Ever had a weekend like that?
All right, Vol fans, have a great weekend, and watch as much college football as you can since this is the last off week we have for the rest of the season, so things will get a bit stressful after Saturday. Remember to repeat your game maxims, rub those orange and white rosary beads, and never take Coach Fulmer’s name in vain. See you on Tuesday. Go Vols!!!
PS-I am taking Sweetie to her first UT game on the 21st. If anyone has a pair to sell, please let me know since I am looking!
Virginia Tech 3
Boston College 22
A huge surprise as Boston College flattened Virginia Tech 22-3. The game was close at halftime as BC led only 7-3, but then the Jokies came apart at the seams. Several penalties at crucial times, a botched punt that went through the end zone and players fighting amongst themselves on the sidelines were among the issues Frank Beamer will have to address in the coming week. Also of issue in the fourth quarter during a timeout was a VT player shown dancing on the field as if his team were ahead. Did you hear Kirk Herbstreit lose it on air? It sounded as if he was going to pull a Ric Flair, rip off his suit piece by piece and go down to the fields and start cleaning house. I felt like pulling a Neidemeyer from Animal House to tell him, “Whoa big fella, whoa…”
Saturday’s Games
Vanderbilt at Georgia 12:30pm Lincoln Financial Dave Neal/Dave Rowe
If Vandy had Jay Cutler, I would say they would have a chance against the Dawgs, especially after UGA’s disappointing loss last Saturday. The only question about this game is how many hot dogs will Dave Rowe eat before the game?
Ohio State at Michigan State 3:30pm ABC Brad Nessler/Bob Griese/Paul McGuire
What will ABC’s angle be for their announcers this week? Last week it was corn dogs at the Cotton Bowl, so I am guessing it’s going to be a drunken Paul McGuire slugging it out with Sparty the Spartan on the sidelines. Personally, I will take Sparty on a TKO in the 3rd. Come to think of it, that might be a better fight than the one on the field.
Ole Miss at Alabama 3:30pm CBS Verne Lundquist/Gary Danielson
Vol fans can get an early scouting report on the Tide for next week’s game, so this one is worth watching. Is it just me, or does Ed Ogeron look like he was separated at birth from Tony Saragusa? If I were Ed, I would take my next recruiting trip to the Briscoe High School Hawks since it looks like from their Nike commercial, they are pretty good on both sides of the ball, and he needs players. Did you know their starting wide receiver Ryon Williams’ mom is Jill Arrington? That alone should garner a D-1 scholarship.
Oregon State at Washington 6:30 FSN Brian Davis/Sonny Sixkiller
This one is included since the game will feature color analyst Sonny Sixkiller. Similar to Petros Papadakis, Sonny Sixkiller has a cool name, and therefore, he has to have a shout out in the CFD. He also scores points since he was in The Longest Yard, with Burt Reynolds and was a former QB with the Washington Huskies. This begs the question, who gets more chicks, Petros or Sonny? Vote today at volsdairy@yahoo.com.
Florida at Auburn 7:45pm ESPN Mike Patrick/Todd Blackledge
Is it just me or does seeing Tim Tebow’s face on your TV make you want to pull an Elvis and shoot it out? Just so you know, Aunt Molly has had to set up a tab at Best Buy. As I mentioned in Tuesday’s article, Florida has not made a FG this year, and even though they added Sgt. Hulka to show them how to use their big toe, this one might come down to a kick, and if that is the case, Auburn has made a few of those this year. Then again, the word Field Goal is not well received in a lot of the state of Alabama…
Michigan at Penn State 8:00pm Brent Musburger/Bob Davie/Kirk Herbstreit
Since Brent Musburger is announcing the game this Saturday, it reminded me of one of the greatest replays I have ever seen. Last week on ESPNU they replayed last year’s Fiesta Bowl with Brent Musburger and Gary Danielson. I don’t know if it was because of contractual arrangements, but the entire game was done without the announcers audio. Isn’t that a dream come true? Watch a great game, and not have to listen to Musburger and Danielson? Since Turd-Burger is on the mic this week, I might wear out my mute button so I can relive a truly great moment in college football.
Boise State at New Mexico State 8:00pm ESPN (Sunday) Ron Franklin/Ed Cunningham
All right, that does it. The King is relegated to the Boise State/New Mexico State game on a Sunday night. First of all, Sunday is for pro football, and second, anyone who does a game in Las Cruces, New Mexico has to be at the bottom of everyone’s broadcasting totem pole. This is a Pam Ward/Andrew Ware game, not for the great Ron Franklin! It just goes to show Las Cruces is a hot bed for college football, rivaling Knoxville, Baton Rouge or Oxford. I went to the New Mexico State University website to get more information about the game and found a picture of the school’s rodeo team on the front page. I am sure Ron is walking around the Motel 6 in Las Cruces asking his agent, “When are you getting me out of here? What about that gig you tried to get me last month at the Knox County Fair announcing the winner of the ugliest man competition? Is that still open?” I think it is time we voiced our opinions. Go to: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?page=contact/espntv and tell ESPN your thoughts about having The King be assigned to better games!
SI Jinx?
Coming this Monday, get your copy of Sports Illustrated with Antonio Wardlow on the cover after his blocked punt. The article is on the SEC, and how strong the conference has become. There have been several instances of a jinx after your team or athlete has graced the cover of the magazine. However, the Vols have an off week, so if these things run like they should, UT should struggle against Off Week, but win a close one, then get ready for the traditional matchup against Alabama. For more on the SI Cover Jinx, go to: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/features/cover/2002/jinx/main/
Never too early for those Alabama memories
Speaking of Alabama, and since we have an off week, I started thinking about the best UT-Alabama gameday experience I have ever been a part of. It came in 1999 when the Vols took their first trip Tuscaloosa since the 20’s.
The campus was gorgeous and so were the women since everywhere we looked, there was not a runt in the litter. Coach B and I found a liquor store across the street from campus, which was on our list of necessities for the day. After a 30 minute wait in line that stretched down the sidewalk, you told the first person you met behind the bar what you wanted, then slid quickly to the next person who took your money, then down to the last person who had your change and liquor of choice all wrapped up in a brown paper sack. It was efficient and quick, but made me think we were in the Soup Nazi episode from Seinfeld. And yes, like Newman, I looked into my bag, joyfully said, “Bourbon!” then high stepped it down the street. Funny thing was it was around 11:30am, before a 3:30 game, and by the time we got in to order a bottle of Dr. Daniels, the attendant told us they were sold out of all things with Jack’s name on it. Coach B and I stood there as if the guy was speaking Chinese, but then again, the Big Orange Nation was in town, so eventually it made sense. In the end, Wild Turkey was on sale, so we took it.
Coach B and I got into the stadium and had not eaten yet, so we got a stadium hot dog. I have to write that no matter how many stadiums I have ever been in, the hot dogs at Alabama are still the best I have ever eaten. I still get a little drool on my lips thinking about that one perfect hot dog.
The game was close early, but the Vols pulled away in the second half to win 21-7. The best part of the game was a long TD pass Tee Martin threw for a touchdown. In my excitement, I hugged the lady next to me and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. She must have been 103 years old, but she was wearing orange, so she was getting a kiss. Needless to say, her and her husband, another AARP charter member, never said another word, and left with about five minutes left in the third quarter. Well, there’s more space for us I suppose.
We went to the game with Coach B’s wife and two of her friends from school, Steve and Sandy who were great to tailgate with. I remember Sandy and me walking with our arms around each other, which was strange since I was dressed in orange, and she was in crimson, but it was one of those perfect college football days, so we all went with it. Suddenly, from behind I hear a torrent of explicatives, and upon further analysis, I realized Coach B was yelling at someone. I turned, knowing as soon as I did, there was a high probability someone was in the process of opening up a can of whoop ass. I saw Coach B standing his ground on the front lawn of the ATO house with about 100 members massing in front of him. It was then the startling realization comes to me: those boys are big. Those boys are mean. Those boys are seriously pissed off at Coach B. Armed with a flask of brown and an orange and white shaker with one of those flimsy plastic stick handles, he was ready to do battle. In one swift motion, I walked over and picked him up off the ground and carried him to safety. I did this not because I was strong, but I was sure I was about to get my can blasted back to Atlanta too so you’d be surprised what being scared to death will do to your muscles. However, on the way back to the sidewalk, he gave them a few ideas about how they could improve their fraternity, followed by two descriptive suggestions that are physically impossible for the human body to do. Trust me, I looked it up.
On the way home, we were in the traffic jam that made me think it was a career, so to pass the time, Coach B, who had finally cooled off from the fight he was still convinced he could have won, went on an infomercial about the pants he was wearing, which were Bill’s Khakis. Before he could tell us about the deep pockets, for the fourth time, he passed out, which was a relief to us all. I found a can of Pringles, so was pretty much quiet for the rest of the trip as well.
Of course, our night was not over yet. Since Steve and Sandy’s house was not finished being built, they were living in an apartment. I slept on the couch, Coach B and the wife on the inflatable mattress, and Steve and Sandy in their bedroom. Sure enough, about three in the morning, I wake up with the terrifying realization, “Coach Scooter, you are about to be VERY sick.” This presented problems on several different levels starting with the fact I had never been in their apartment before, it was dark, I was half asleep/drunk, and I was going to be buying a Buick at any moment. I got up, tripped over the inflatable mattress, then proceeded to do a perfect imitation of a Plinko chip as I hit every wall in the place until I found the bedroom. Good thing it was a one bedroom apartment or I really would have been in trouble. Once I found the bedroom, I convinced myself I could tip toe in there, do my business and they would never know. Funny the things you can convince yourself of at three in the morning. So I am tossing my cookies, and after the first toss, I was pretty sure everyone in the complex heard me, so the thought of this being a surgical strike were pretty much out the window. As I am doing my thing, Coach B’s wife nudges him and asks, “Aren’t you going to go in there and help him? Coach B replies, “What can I do?” She thought about it for a second and said, “Yeah, you’re right,” then rolled over and went back to sleep. Great friends…
Ever had a weekend like that?
All right, Vol fans, have a great weekend, and watch as much college football as you can since this is the last off week we have for the rest of the season, so things will get a bit stressful after Saturday. Remember to repeat your game maxims, rub those orange and white rosary beads, and never take Coach Fulmer’s name in vain. See you on Tuesday. Go Vols!!!
PS-I am taking Sweetie to her first UT game on the 21st. If anyone has a pair to sell, please let me know since I am looking!
