UTVols News and Opinions

Welcome to Coach Scooter’s College Football Diary for another week! It was a wild weekend in college football, especially since the Vols were in Athens to play the Dawgs. Let’s take a look at the game, as well as the week that was in college football.

1st Quarter

I had plans to watch the game in a rubber room, since the Vols make me a little crazy, but that wasn’t to be since one of Sweetie’s friends was having a surprise 40th birthday party. She knew using the angle of the party being catered by Smokey Bones BBQ would give her a free pass, and it worked. Barely. Once we got there, we grabbed a couple of BBQ sandwiches, then sat with Sweetie’s sexy, but married, friends, so the night was off to a pretty good start. The band was rockin’, the food was good and when I walked over to the TV room to check the score, I was delighted to see Erik Ainge had us in front 7-3. I re-joined Sweetie and the delicious pork sandwich waiting for me, and relaxed a little. However, I began to hear screams and shouts from the TV room, and since the place was filled with Georgia fans, I figured that was not good. The quarter ended with Georgia leading 10-7.

2nd Quarter

As the second quarter got underway, the band was no contest for what was on TV. After looking at the dwindling number of people in the backyard, the lead singer turned to the band and said, “I think we are losing the crowd.” As much commotion as was going on in the room next to us, I was sure we were losing the game too. Sure enough, when I walked back into the room to check the score, there went Brandon Southernland into the end zone to make it 24-7. The Children of the Checkerboard were getting it handed to them. However, I was encouraged by the fact we drove the ball down the field and scored before halftime to cut it to a ten point lead. When Mark Richt decided to run the clock out to end the first half, I got the feeling he did us a favor since we have not stopped them all night.

Halftime

No calls from the Big Orange Phone Network. Coach B and Aunt Molly usually call me to get my impressions of the first half. Well, I don’t do impressions; I’m a columnist for www.utvols.com. Besides, who am I kidding? Coach B is sitting in the man room staring at a blank TV, like he did when we lost to Florida, and Aunt Molly has either passed out at the bar, got thrown out, or a combination of the two. Most of the Georgia fans at the party are taunting me with cries of “Rocky Flop,” and “When are ya’ll starting the search for a new coach?” It looks like it might be a long and terribly disappointing night in the Big Orange Nation.

3rd Quarter

The key to a second half comeback is to score before halftime, which we did, then get a turnover as soon as the second half begins, and that happened too as Joe Tereshinski’s pass was tipped at the line and intercepted by Antwan Stewart. Once we got the interception, I had a feeling we were going to crawl back in it, and sure enough, Erik Ainge capped the clutch drive by punching it in from a yard out. Before the quarter ended, both teams added a field goal, which made it look as if we were in store for a memorable fourth quarter as the Vols trailed 27-24. However, UT had taken the momentum away, and that would prove to be crucial.

4th Quarter

We were in store for a memorable fourth quarter; however, nobody who saw the first half would have guessed it would be memorable for the Vols and forgettable for the Dawgs. Ainge hit Meachem for a touchdown pass as the quarter began, and it gave the Vols their first lead since the opening period, 31-27. When Antonio Wardlow slipped through and blocked a punt, then fell on it in the end zone, most of the UGA fans at the party and in the stands began to vacate the premises. As a long time Vol fan, I know the game is never over until the clock hits zero, so I was holding my breath. However, the UGA fans must have had more faith than I did since the Vols took control form that point on and ran away with an amazing 51-33 victory.

Final Analysis

A surprising night in Athens, to say the least. The final stats told the story as the Big Orange racked up 383 yards of offense, 268 through the air, plus a total of 27 first downs and a perfect six for six on trips inside the red zone. In a million years, I would never have thought the Vols would hang 51 against Georgia, especially in Sanford Stadium, so hold on to those memories Vol fans, because you might not ever see that kind of domination in your lifetime. Just to put it into perspective, the 51 points the Vols scored is the second most ever scored against Georgia inside Sanford Stadium, being eclipsed only by the 52 Florida scored in 1995.

Was it me, or did every play in the fourth quarter seem like it was being reviewed?

I have to mention something that happened during halftime. Someone turned on the radio to WSB, the flagship station for UGA, to listen to the first half stats from legendary announcer Larry Munson and analyst Scott Howard. They went on and on about how the experts were wrong and laughing about how Georgia has taken command of the game and they had worried for nothing. They thought the game was in the bag and were gloating about the victory that was only 30 minutes away. I know Munson is a legend, but I expect a little more professionalism from him and his announce team. Sure, he is a home town announcer, and I expect him to get excited when the Dawgs do something great. However, their announce team should take a page from John Ward, or Caywood Ledford, or Vin Scully, since those guys loved their teams more than anything, but they also brought a respect and objectivity to the broadcast so every listener, regardless of who they were rooting for, could appreciate the broadcast. I hope next time they will realize the game is 60 minutes, but above that, bring the same professionalism and objectivity to the fans as the other great broadcasters in the business.

Weekend Observations

Where should we begin? There were so many observations, I was thinking about putting a telescope on my head and charging people admission to use it. How about we start with the early afternoon games? Well, all right, if you insist…

Early Afternoon

Sweetie and I went to the Georgia Tech game and the day was perfect as far as tailgating goes. The day was cool, the sky was bright blue and the food could not have been better. She took me to her old sorority house, Zeta Tau Alpha, and showed me where her room was, where they used to eat their meals, and where she used to trip off the fire alarm when she was sneaking into the house after hours. She told me it was because she was staying late in the library to study. Um, this ain’t my first rodeo...

I have to say the level of hotness at the Zeta house approached red line proportions, and I am sure when Sweetie reads this week’s column, I will have racked up enough points to be sleeping on the couch until January. Later on, we watched the Jacket Walk as the players headed to the stadium, led by the Ramblin’ Wreck, the cheerleaders and Buzz. As they passed, I pulled out my flask containing “Daddy’s Apple Juice,” took a swig, and realized this was one of those perfect college football gameday moments.

After downing another chicken biscuit, I noticed three men walking by in bright green jackets. They had to be from somewhere important since nobody would wear a jacket that loud and not have it mean something. I looked closer and saw a Gator Bowl patch on the pocket, so they were Gator Bowl Representatives! They were just walking though, talking with the crowd, party cups in hand, just hanging out. The drunken fans all began yelling, “We love the Gator Bowl!” and one yelled, “Oh yeah, Tampa is great,” which caused his buddies to pummel him with hot bratwurst since the Gator Bowl is in Jacksonville. As they walked through the crowd, it looked as if they were in the middle of a parade before going off to war as people shook their hands and gave them drinks and all the food they could carry. They were like gods.

Arkansas at Auburn

What did you all think of the trickeration Arkansas used against Auburn? Kind of funny, as long as it doesn’t happen to your team. Next time, why doesn’t Arkansas bring in Fred Williamson from the movie, M*A*S*H*, and have him put in the dreaded center eligible play? In between plays from those tricky Hogs, they simply wore the Tigers out using the old fashioned plan of running the ball, like everyone did in the good old days, to the tune of 279 yards rushing. However, the Razorbacks better start getting a better balance because sooner or later, when the run gets stuffed and the game is put in the hands of freshman QB Mitch Mustain, you might just see another can of USC whoopin’ being opened up.

Texas vs. Oklahoma

The late afternoon games were interesting for a while, but got boring real quick. In Austin, Texas pulled away from Oklahoma in the second half to win 28-10, which gave Mack Brown consecutive wins against the Sooners. In a more compelling story, the announce team of Brad Nessler, Bob Griese and Paul McGuire had their moments as they hung out at the Texas State Fair before the game. Did you see McGuire put his face through one of those boards where you try to throw the football through the hole? McGuire looked like Jambi the Genie from the Pee Wee Herman Show. (Mekka-lekka hi mekka hiney ho, Paul!) Unfortunately, he moved before Griese fired a ball at him. As if that was not a disturbing enough image, the next scene had the trio eating corn dogs as they discussed their memories of the great games in the series. Of course, the big walking corn dog, McGuire, says, “I don’t have any memories.” So, Paul, ABC sends you out to do the game, and you don’t even do your homework so you can come up with something to at least bluff your way through the segment? The funniest part of the pre-game was Brad Nessler in the tunnel leading to the field, getting bumped around like a pinball by the players as they came out to the field. His audio kept going in and out, which made it look like he was doing a Cingular commercial. There was a cop behind him, who was just standing there with a Chuck Amato expression on his face as Nessler was getting knocked silly. “Hey, Barney, why don’t you protect Nessler, because if he goes down, then McGuire does play by play for the rest of the year!”

LSU at Florida

LSU brought their team into the Swamp to play Florida, but penalties and turnovers doomed their chances. Five turnovers, four by JaMarcus Russell, including a critical fumble at the goal line that denied them a go ahead score, was a killer. In the second half, it looked as if the Tigers had a bus to catch and wanted out of Gainesville as soon as possible. Florida was not much better as they had as many penalties as first downs (14) and the Tim Tebow TD pass was the ugliest thing ever in the history of organized sports. Yeah, I know, some mullet head will write in and say, “Don’t matter, Coach, it still counts as six points,” but I have it on good authority the review booth looked at the play a few times to see if they could give the Gators three points instead since it looked so ugly. Has Tim Tebow been auditioning for the Gainesville Ballet? That little jump he tried made him look like he was in line to play Peter Pan. The receiver was not much better as Tate Casey tripped over that mischievous villain known as Mr. Grass, then flailed his arms like he was doing the backstroke and still somehow caught the ball as he hit the ground. And this is the #2 ranked team in the nation?

Did it seem like it took LSU forever to come out of the tunnel to start the game? Les Miles looked like a teacher leading a field trip. “All right kids, where are my kids here? LaMarcus, stop shooting spit wads at your wide receivers. Alley, make sure to look both ways before hurting yourself this week...”

Also, the Gators are still the only team in college football that does not have a successful field goal this year. Should we send Sgt. Hulka with the big toe from Stripes down there to see how fer he can put one between the goal posts?

Oregon at California

I figured out why California beat Oregon so badly Saturday night. When the Ducks saw the Bears in those god awful mustard yellow jerseys, it was like looking in a mirror, and it freaked them out so badly, they were beat even before they started. When ESPN did a game update from Berkley and I saw the highlights, I told the guy next to me, “Look at those Oregon jerseys. Don’t they look like a bunch of giant walking highlighters?” He looked at me and said, “Um, those are the Cal jerseys.” At least the Pac-10 can claim they have the best conference for the ugliest uniforms. In fact, my BUS poll (Bad Uniform Series) would be a clean sweep as the top three schools would be:

1. Oregon (63 of 63 first place votes)
2. California
3. Washington State

Speaking of the Pac-10, do you think it would help if we got Chris Berman to call Ty Willingham and say, “Tick tick tick tick tick,” before next week’s game?

The Gary Danielson Mis-Quote of the week. Brought to you by the Simmons Proctology Clinic. We know a butt when we see one!

We watched the LSU-Florida game in the luxury box while the Tech game went on below us. At the 12:27 mark of the first quarter, Genius Danielson was in full boring mode which is a new record, even for him. Finally, I couldn’t stand another word, so I asked if they could turn the monitor to QVC. At least I could look at the girls modeling the finest in Cubic Zirconia jewelry and feel like I had done something constructive with my afternoon. In the first two minutes and 33 seconds of the game, he made three statements that are still clamoring for an explanation. I picture Verne Lundquist sitting there with one eye on the game, and one on the spotter next to him as they both throw their arms up as if to say, “I have no idea what he just said.” Among his gems of the day:

“JaMarcus Russell has been hot, but they are burning about not throwing the ball against LSU, and they are out to prove they can throw it against Florida.”

“Florida fans are already saying look how cleaner it looks than anything they saw…” then he stopped in mid sentence and never said another word.

And the one that caused the mass exodus for the remote control:

After LSU drove the ball down the field and made him shut up about how great the Gators defense was, this gem came after the Tiger TD. “Hmm, that was a tough play for the linebacker, and Russell almost under threw the receiver on such an easy pass.” Hmm, even when his beloved Gators give up the touchdown, the spotlight falls on how the other team almost blew a scoring opportunity. He must have been as giddy as a school girl, and giggled like one too, after the Tigers self destructed and were a non factor in the second half.

Trivia Question:

What was the first year the Vols ran through the T formed by the Pride of the Southland Marching Band?
a. 1964
b. 1967
c. 1969
d. 1970

Mailbag

Coach Scooter,

I just don’t understand what happened in the UT/UGA game. I wore the underwear and the shirt, I drank from the red cup, I did all the game day rituals, I did everything that I normally do, yet we lost the game. Hold on, UT just scored again (and it’s Sunday morning). Anyway, the only thing different was that I did get the UGA blanket in the mail that I ordered some time ago. Am I obligated to now burn the blanket since it upset the equilibrium of the Dawg universe? Or did the Vols just come to Athens with a mission and purpose – which was to pick apart an average Georgia defense and score 50+ in Sanford for only the second time in history? Did I just answer my own question?

Bulldog Bry

Dear Bulldog Bry:

First off, thanks for the email. It is nice when fans of two schools can interact about the game and not trash talk and get into an argument. That usually comes from the uneducated who hide behind their computers and talk big knowing they don’t have to back it up.

I think the Vols simply caught the Dawgs at the right time. The offense was gaining momentum after the Florida loss, while Georgia had a few close calls and had questions about the team going in. You play them again and I seriously doubt the same thing would happen.

As far as the superstitions go, I am right there with you. I make sure to wear the same orange and white boxer shorts (Ya can’t wash them if you win), eat the same thing for breakfast, wear my lucky orange socks and hold on to my orange and white rosary beads during the game.

As far as phone etiquette goes, never call anyone before the game is over, unless it is to check in at halftime. Never call anyone rooting for the team you are playing, since you may call too soon and your team could lose. When the game is over, the losing team always has to call the winning team because the losing team needs time to heal, and will call when ready, instead of the winning team calling too soon if the wounds are fresh.

Good luck the rest of the way and keep those emails coming!

P.S. – Please do the rest of the world a favor and beat Florida, OK?

All right Vol Nation, take this week to catch your breath since the season really gets going on the 21st. Enjoy a stress free weekend as you watch Auburn play Florida, Michigan play Penn State and Ole Miss play Alabama. It's always good to get an early scouting report, so I think most Vol fans will be watching that one. Until then, make sure to repeat your game maxims, rub those orange and white roasary beads and never take Coach Fulmer's name in vain. Go Vols!

Send your questions and comments to: volsdiary@yahoo.com