Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Coach Scooter's College Football Diary Vol. 7
Welcome to Coach Scooter’s College Football Diary for Week 7! In case you were wondering, I have my $15,000 laptop handcuffed to a Tennessee State Trooper, so I don’t have to worry about my column getting stolen. With that said, let’s get to the week that was in the Big Orange Nation!
Tennessee (3-1) at Memphis (1-3) 12:00 ESPN
1st Quarter
Not bad for the Vols, although the Ainge interception that was called back could have been trouble. Coach B and I were not worried since we thought the offense was moving well, plus we were snacking on 20 wings from Hooters, so our day was looking up. It was only 3-0, but we had a feeling the Vols were going to play well. After seeing Tommy West on the sidelines, I really wanted to ask when the baby is due.
2nd Quarter
Halftime finds the Vols ahead 13-0. Our three scoring drive were from 66, 97 and 67 yards, so the offense has been able to move the ball on sustained drives, and that is encouraging. We were a little sad since Coach B and I finished the wings early in the second quarter, and now all we have left to eat are a bag of Funions and a warm six pack of Diet Slice. As we searched every cabinet in the Man Room, we agreed the Vols should take the ball inside their own 30 yard line, regardless of how they get it, so we can be assured of scoring every time.
3rd Quarter
Coach B’s wife came home and is nervous because her alma mater, Alabama, plays Florida later in the afternoon. She is upset with me because I picked her team to upset Florida in last Friday’s column, thinking I jinxed the Tide. I tried to explain a Bama victory is good for the Vols, if that is ever possible, but she is unmoved. She threatens to take away the bag of Funions, and after a heated exchange, she has to settle for calling me an idiot. Coach B smiled and says, “Don’t worry, I get that lecture all the time.” Anyway, back to the game. The Vols are looking crisp as Robert Meachem and Jason Swain, the top receiving tandem in the country, burn the
T
igers for long TD grabs. Meachem’s was a thing of beauty as the DB had him pinned in, but he stiff armed him, then ran untouched in to the end zone. End of the 3rd quarter: Vols 27 – Tigers 0. Where’s my Diet Slice?
4th Quarter
The highlight of the fourth quarter, since the game was already way out of hand, was watching Coach B getting giddy at the prospect of a shutout. He kept repeating over and over, “Daddy wants a shutout.” Of course. Mrs. Coach B looked at him and said, “Mommy wants to slap Urban Meyer.” However, when Ja’Kouri Williams fumbled, and Memphis recovered, Coach B wasn’t pleased. It was inevitable as Memphis scored on the next play, which started an avalanche of furniture being broken in the Man Room. The quote of the afternoon came next. “S
coot, we’re going to Crate & Barrel as soon as this game is over.” Another memorable moment came when ESPN showed Coach Fulmer on the sideline after the fumble as he yelled, “Fudge.” Only he didn’t say fudge. I wonder if Vicki made Phil wash his mouth out with Lifebuoy when they got home? Somewhere, Ralphie from A Christmas Story had a good chuckle about that one
Final analysis
Erik Ainge continued his improved play by going 23 of 27 for 324 yards and fo
ur TD’s. LaMarcus Coker, along with James Whilhoit, was named SEC player of the week after rushing for 125 yards. The nice thing is the Vols didn’t have to use Arian Foster, which means he got another week to heal before taking on Georgia and their great defense this Saturday.
The defense flirted with holding Memphis to the lowest yards total of the Fulmer era, and probably would have gotten the record had it not been for a 4th quarter fumble deep in Vols territory. The Tigers finished with 121 yards total offense, compared to 566 by the Vols. The last shutout the Vols had was in 2003 in a 48-0 win over Vanderbilt.
Next Up For the Vols
The Vols can right the ship in the SEC by upsetting the defending SEC Champion Georgia Bulldogs in Athens. The #10 ranked Bulldogs have a tremendous defense who has given up 34 points in five games, which is just a shade under seven points a game. Colorado scored the most on the Bulldogs, which was 13 points. The Vols know they cannot afford another loss in the SEC, so this is a desperation game. This one can be seen on ESPN at 7:45.
Weekend observations
It was nice to hear, “The King,” Ron Franklin back on the air Saturday night for th
e Georgia-Ole Miss game. I got goose bumps when I heard, “Lumpkin has five, he’s got ten…” I also like hearing, “The line to make is the 27…” He also called it right when he talked about the refs being poor throughout the game. The worst had to be the phantom holding penalty on the Ole Miss punt block in the first quarter. The King’s partner, Ed Cunningham, agreed. “The ref has to have the guts to pick up the flag since I never saw it, or if I did, it had no bearing on the play.” The King summed it up when he said, “These officials have ruined this game.”
The mic the referee wore during the Ohio State – Iowa game made me wonder if the Big Ten called Madonna to ask if they could use some of her leftover mics from the Blonde Ambition Tour. Also, Brent Musburger called Ohio State the People’s Choice for #1. I am pretty sure I didn’t vote for them.
Did you see the Washington State uniforms on Saturday night? I think someone mu
st have stolen the football jerseys so they had to use the WSU hockey jerseys left over from the 70’s. And you thought Oregon had ugly uniforms.
Gary Danielson Mis-Quote of the week
Genius Danielson was at it again this week. He was feeling giddy since he was at his bel
oved Swamp to see his heroes up close and personal. It makes me wonder if Purdue has a satalite campus in Gainesville. I was enlightened with this comment: “This is just like looking at a toolbox. Chris Leak is like the Phillips head screwdriver, Tim Tebow is just like the flat head screwdriver and Billy Latsko is like the hammer.” Then later, “Now, Billy Latsko is looking like a chisel.” Gee, Danielson, if I wanted to get a lesson on tools, I would have turned it over to PBS and watched The New Yankee Workshop with Norm Abrams, who, by the way, would be a huge improvement to the booth. However, since we are talking about tools, you are the biggest tool on TV, so at least you were in the ball park with your comments for a change.
Is anyone else as tired of hearing ABC gush over the possibility of a Michigan – Ohio State match up to see who goes to the National Championship game? Guess who will be doing the game? Guess where College GameDay will be? That is all the TV heads at ABC and ESPN have been talking about! Hey, guys, there are other teams in better conferences who have just as compelling teams and exciting games left to be played. If one team stumbles and screws up their little bundle of joy, would they have to do a College GameDay from the Illinois – Indiana game? Speaking of big games, why doesn’t ESPN talk about the two titanic struggles in the SEC this week? The ABC/ESPN bias against the SEC lives…
I liked seeing Georgia Tech get revenge on the Hokies last Saturday. I am not a Virginia Tech fan ever since the over hyped Michael Vick came out of Blacksburg, and enjoy watching them go splat. Add in the fact they have the ugliest color scheme in the world. Who picked their colors? Ronnie Milsap? Sweetie doesn’t like VT either, and calls them, “The Jokies.” The best part was the GT victory meant Sweetie was going to be happy for the rest of the weekend, and chances are, when Sweetie is happy, Coach Scooter is happy. The line of the day was when Brad Nessler and Bob Griese were talking to Paul McGuire, who was in the end zone. They told him to get out of the sun since he might have a stroke. My first thought was, “He’s been in the sun all year.”
What’s with all the talk about a player getting a high ankle sprain? It used to be, you got a sprained ankle, and that covered it. But a high ankle sprain? Is there such a thing as a low ankle sprain?
Coach Scooter was in heaven last Saturday night, and no, it wasn’t because Genius Danielson had his tongue amputated. However, that is a start. Sweetie was on the couch, “resting” (i.e., passed out) after the emotional Georgia Tech victory, so Coach Scooter got to flip around between five games all at once! That’s a new single season record in the Coach Scooter house! In the span of an hour, I saw Kansas lose in OT to Nebraska, USC’s narrow victory over Washington State, Michigan running away from Minnesota, Ohio State’s demolition over Iowa and Georgia slip past Ole Miss. Of course, I had to go see the orthopedist to treat me from a severe case of remote control thumb, but it was worth it. When Sweetie asked about my thumb, I told her I was cleaning out the lint tray on the dryer and it got caught as I slid it back into place. I don’t think she bought it…
By the way, does anyone else think the head coach at Kansas, Mark Mangino, is th
e long lost son of former wrestler, Haystacks Calhoun? I swear I saw Mangino in the Guinness Book of World Records. In fact, when Kansas played Toledo earlier this year, the Rockets coach, Tom Amstutz, another whopper, made dinner plans for the two coaches after the game. You know that made the managers of the Toledo area all you can eat buffets a little nervous.
Mailbag
Dear Coach:
I work the gate at UT and I missed David Yancy’s touchdown on Saturday. I just think he is the nicest person. He is like that at all times and I am glad the coaches finally let him play since he is a senior. I would just like to let him know how I feel about him but don’t know how to write him. So just tell him Granny is proud of him.
Helen Ake
Hello Granny Helen! Coach Scooter was honored you took time to write the Diary, as well as letting me know how much you like watching David Yancy play. It’s a great story when a player like Yancy can get into the end zone, and hopefully he’ll get many more opportunities. I did a little checking and if you would like to write David, just send it to:
David Yancy
c/o Tennessee Sports Information Department
P.O. Box 15016
Knoxville, Tennessee 37901
Thanks, Granny! Feel free to write anytime! Go Vols!
Coach Scooter:
One question: Virginia Tech vs. Georgia Tech. I’m pulling for the referees. Is that wrong? What games are like that for Tennessee fans?
Bulldog Bry
Dear Bulldog Bry:
No, it’s not wrong to root for the refs since I have to do it too. Who do you think I was pulling for in last week’s Bama-Florida game?
Coach Scooter:
I read your article a few weeks ago about having to go to a wedding during football season and wanted to let you know I feel your pain. As an Auburn grad, I had to go to a wedding the weekend of the Auburn/LSU game in Birmingham and was miserable. A friend told me about a website you should let your readers in on. Since we are both SEC fans, I figured you would enjoy it. Keep up the good work, Coach, and hopefully we’ll see you in the SEC Championship game!
Hugh Brewer
Huntsville, Alabama
http://fallweddingssuck.com/
Hello Hugh!
Thanks for the website information. I looked at the site and it is hilarious! If you come across any other sites like this, please send them my way!
Coach:
Good call on the Ga. Tech game. Also, regarding the FL/Bama game, it appea
red that the Gators may have been trying to run up the score a bit? Maybe it was just me; however, I have pretty good darn eye sight, especially in the dark, or better yet, even sometimes when they're closed. I'm kinda worried about this Georgia game. I need some cat nip. Can't wait to see what you have in store for later in the week. Hey, if it's not too much trouble.....could you get these posted before midnight? I like to take these and read them in the litter box. Go Vols!
Blue Tick Kitty
Hello Kitty!
Yeah, I know what ya mean since I am worried about the game too. I wish we would have played UGA the last two weeks, since we know their offense wasn’t clicking. However, this week, who knows what they are going to do? Is this the game their offense finally clicks? Uncle Scooter needs to talk to Jack ‘cause now I am nervous…
Trivia Question:
Who were the head coaches for Tennessee and Georgia when they met on the first game played on artificial turf at Neyland Stadium on September 14, 1968?
Thanks again for dropping by! I will return on Friday with the weekend preview, so until then, rub those orange and white rosaries, repeat your game maxims, and never take Coach Fulmer’s name in vain!
Tennessee (3-1) at Memphis (1-3) 12:00 ESPN
1st Quarter
Not bad for the Vols, although the Ainge interception that was called back could have been trouble. Coach B and I were not worried since we thought the offense was moving well, plus we were snacking on 20 wings from Hooters, so our day was looking up. It was only 3-0, but we had a feeling the Vols were going to play well. After seeing Tommy West on the sidelines, I really wanted to ask when the baby is due.
2nd Quarter
Halftime finds the Vols ahead 13-0. Our three scoring drive were from 66, 97 and 67 yards, so the offense has been able to move the ball on sustained drives, and that is encouraging. We were a little sad since Coach B and I finished the wings early in the second quarter, and now all we have left to eat are a bag of Funions and a warm six pack of Diet Slice. As we searched every cabinet in the Man Room, we agreed the Vols should take the ball inside their own 30 yard line, regardless of how they get it, so we can be assured of scoring every time.
3rd Quarter
Coach B’s wife came home and is nervous because her alma mater, Alabama, plays Florida later in the afternoon. She is upset with me because I picked her team to upset Florida in last Friday’s column, thinking I jinxed the Tide. I tried to explain a Bama victory is good for the Vols, if that is ever possible, but she is unmoved. She threatens to take away the bag of Funions, and after a heated exchange, she has to settle for calling me an idiot. Coach B smiled and says, “Don’t worry, I get that lecture all the time.” Anyway, back to the game. The Vols are looking crisp as Robert Meachem and Jason Swain, the top receiving tandem in the country, burn the
T
igers for long TD grabs. Meachem’s was a thing of beauty as the DB had him pinned in, but he stiff armed him, then ran untouched in to the end zone. End of the 3rd quarter: Vols 27 – Tigers 0. Where’s my Diet Slice?4th Quarter
The highlight of the fourth quarter, since the game was already way out of hand, was watching Coach B getting giddy at the prospect of a shutout. He kept repeating over and over, “Daddy wants a shutout.” Of course. Mrs. Coach B looked at him and said, “Mommy wants to slap Urban Meyer.” However, when Ja’Kouri Williams fumbled, and Memphis recovered, Coach B wasn’t pleased. It was inevitable as Memphis scored on the next play, which started an avalanche of furniture being broken in the Man Room. The quote of the afternoon came next. “S
coot, we’re going to Crate & Barrel as soon as this game is over.” Another memorable moment came when ESPN showed Coach Fulmer on the sideline after the fumble as he yelled, “Fudge.” Only he didn’t say fudge. I wonder if Vicki made Phil wash his mouth out with Lifebuoy when they got home? Somewhere, Ralphie from A Christmas Story had a good chuckle about that oneFinal analysis
Erik Ainge continued his improved play by going 23 of 27 for 324 yards and fo
ur TD’s. LaMarcus Coker, along with James Whilhoit, was named SEC player of the week after rushing for 125 yards. The nice thing is the Vols didn’t have to use Arian Foster, which means he got another week to heal before taking on Georgia and their great defense this Saturday.The defense flirted with holding Memphis to the lowest yards total of the Fulmer era, and probably would have gotten the record had it not been for a 4th quarter fumble deep in Vols territory. The Tigers finished with 121 yards total offense, compared to 566 by the Vols. The last shutout the Vols had was in 2003 in a 48-0 win over Vanderbilt.
Next Up For the Vols
The Vols can right the ship in the SEC by upsetting the defending SEC Champion Georgia Bulldogs in Athens. The #10 ranked Bulldogs have a tremendous defense who has given up 34 points in five games, which is just a shade under seven points a game. Colorado scored the most on the Bulldogs, which was 13 points. The Vols know they cannot afford another loss in the SEC, so this is a desperation game. This one can be seen on ESPN at 7:45.
Weekend observations
It was nice to hear, “The King,” Ron Franklin back on the air Saturday night for th
e Georgia-Ole Miss game. I got goose bumps when I heard, “Lumpkin has five, he’s got ten…” I also like hearing, “The line to make is the 27…” He also called it right when he talked about the refs being poor throughout the game. The worst had to be the phantom holding penalty on the Ole Miss punt block in the first quarter. The King’s partner, Ed Cunningham, agreed. “The ref has to have the guts to pick up the flag since I never saw it, or if I did, it had no bearing on the play.” The King summed it up when he said, “These officials have ruined this game.” The mic the referee wore during the Ohio State – Iowa game made me wonder if the Big Ten called Madonna to ask if they could use some of her leftover mics from the Blonde Ambition Tour. Also, Brent Musburger called Ohio State the People’s Choice for #1. I am pretty sure I didn’t vote for them.
Did you see the Washington State uniforms on Saturday night? I think someone mu
st have stolen the football jerseys so they had to use the WSU hockey jerseys left over from the 70’s. And you thought Oregon had ugly uniforms.Gary Danielson Mis-Quote of the week
Genius Danielson was at it again this week. He was feeling giddy since he was at his bel
oved Swamp to see his heroes up close and personal. It makes me wonder if Purdue has a satalite campus in Gainesville. I was enlightened with this comment: “This is just like looking at a toolbox. Chris Leak is like the Phillips head screwdriver, Tim Tebow is just like the flat head screwdriver and Billy Latsko is like the hammer.” Then later, “Now, Billy Latsko is looking like a chisel.” Gee, Danielson, if I wanted to get a lesson on tools, I would have turned it over to PBS and watched The New Yankee Workshop with Norm Abrams, who, by the way, would be a huge improvement to the booth. However, since we are talking about tools, you are the biggest tool on TV, so at least you were in the ball park with your comments for a change.Is anyone else as tired of hearing ABC gush over the possibility of a Michigan – Ohio State match up to see who goes to the National Championship game? Guess who will be doing the game? Guess where College GameDay will be? That is all the TV heads at ABC and ESPN have been talking about! Hey, guys, there are other teams in better conferences who have just as compelling teams and exciting games left to be played. If one team stumbles and screws up their little bundle of joy, would they have to do a College GameDay from the Illinois – Indiana game? Speaking of big games, why doesn’t ESPN talk about the two titanic struggles in the SEC this week? The ABC/ESPN bias against the SEC lives…
I liked seeing Georgia Tech get revenge on the Hokies last Saturday. I am not a Virginia Tech fan ever since the over hyped Michael Vick came out of Blacksburg, and enjoy watching them go splat. Add in the fact they have the ugliest color scheme in the world. Who picked their colors? Ronnie Milsap? Sweetie doesn’t like VT either, and calls them, “The Jokies.” The best part was the GT victory meant Sweetie was going to be happy for the rest of the weekend, and chances are, when Sweetie is happy, Coach Scooter is happy. The line of the day was when Brad Nessler and Bob Griese were talking to Paul McGuire, who was in the end zone. They told him to get out of the sun since he might have a stroke. My first thought was, “He’s been in the sun all year.”
What’s with all the talk about a player getting a high ankle sprain? It used to be, you got a sprained ankle, and that covered it. But a high ankle sprain? Is there such a thing as a low ankle sprain?
Coach Scooter was in heaven last Saturday night, and no, it wasn’t because Genius Danielson had his tongue amputated. However, that is a start. Sweetie was on the couch, “resting” (i.e., passed out) after the emotional Georgia Tech victory, so Coach Scooter got to flip around between five games all at once! That’s a new single season record in the Coach Scooter house! In the span of an hour, I saw Kansas lose in OT to Nebraska, USC’s narrow victory over Washington State, Michigan running away from Minnesota, Ohio State’s demolition over Iowa and Georgia slip past Ole Miss. Of course, I had to go see the orthopedist to treat me from a severe case of remote control thumb, but it was worth it. When Sweetie asked about my thumb, I told her I was cleaning out the lint tray on the dryer and it got caught as I slid it back into place. I don’t think she bought it…
By the way, does anyone else think the head coach at Kansas, Mark Mangino, is th
e long lost son of former wrestler, Haystacks Calhoun? I swear I saw Mangino in the Guinness Book of World Records. In fact, when Kansas played Toledo earlier this year, the Rockets coach, Tom Amstutz, another whopper, made dinner plans for the two coaches after the game. You know that made the managers of the Toledo area all you can eat buffets a little nervous.Mailbag
Dear Coach:
I work the gate at UT and I missed David Yancy’s touchdown on Saturday. I just think he is the nicest person. He is like that at all times and I am glad the coaches finally let him play since he is a senior. I would just like to let him know how I feel about him but don’t know how to write him. So just tell him Granny is proud of him.
Helen Ake
Hello Granny Helen! Coach Scooter was honored you took time to write the Diary, as well as letting me know how much you like watching David Yancy play. It’s a great story when a player like Yancy can get into the end zone, and hopefully he’ll get many more opportunities. I did a little checking and if you would like to write David, just send it to:
David Yancy
c/o Tennessee Sports Information Department
P.O. Box 15016
Knoxville, Tennessee 37901
Thanks, Granny! Feel free to write anytime! Go Vols!
Coach Scooter:
One question: Virginia Tech vs. Georgia Tech. I’m pulling for the referees. Is that wrong? What games are like that for Tennessee fans?
Bulldog Bry
Dear Bulldog Bry:
No, it’s not wrong to root for the refs since I have to do it too. Who do you think I was pulling for in last week’s Bama-Florida game?
Coach Scooter:
I read your article a few weeks ago about having to go to a wedding during football season and wanted to let you know I feel your pain. As an Auburn grad, I had to go to a wedding the weekend of the Auburn/LSU game in Birmingham and was miserable. A friend told me about a website you should let your readers in on. Since we are both SEC fans, I figured you would enjoy it. Keep up the good work, Coach, and hopefully we’ll see you in the SEC Championship game!
Hugh Brewer
Huntsville, Alabama
http://fallweddingssuck.com/
Hello Hugh!
Thanks for the website information. I looked at the site and it is hilarious! If you come across any other sites like this, please send them my way!
Coach:
Good call on the Ga. Tech game. Also, regarding the FL/Bama game, it appea
red that the Gators may have been trying to run up the score a bit? Maybe it was just me; however, I have pretty good darn eye sight, especially in the dark, or better yet, even sometimes when they're closed. I'm kinda worried about this Georgia game. I need some cat nip. Can't wait to see what you have in store for later in the week. Hey, if it's not too much trouble.....could you get these posted before midnight? I like to take these and read them in the litter box. Go Vols!Blue Tick Kitty
Hello Kitty!
Yeah, I know what ya mean since I am worried about the game too. I wish we would have played UGA the last two weeks, since we know their offense wasn’t clicking. However, this week, who knows what they are going to do? Is this the game their offense finally clicks? Uncle Scooter needs to talk to Jack ‘cause now I am nervous…
Trivia Question:
Who were the head coaches for Tennessee and Georgia when they met on the first game played on artificial turf at Neyland Stadium on September 14, 1968?
Thanks again for dropping by! I will return on Friday with the weekend preview, so until then, rub those orange and white rosaries, repeat your game maxims, and never take Coach Fulmer’s name in vain!
