UTVols News and Opinions

Welcome to the Friday edition of Coach Scooter’s College Football Diary. Let’s get to the games this weekend, as well as some observations from the week that was.

Thursday Night

#2 Auburn 24
S. Carolina 17

Oh goodie, the Gamecocks looked tough last night, so the Vols get to add them to the list of unfriendlies to be worried about, like Georgia, Alabama and L.S.U. What’s amazing is Auburn held the ball for all of the third quarter, while U.S.C. held it for most of the fourth, and if it were not for a dropped TD pass, the game could have gone into OT. The highlight of watching the game was when Sweetie walked into the room and asked, “Who is that guy on the left?” I replied “Chris Fowler. “Oh, he’s hot.” I got to thinking, “Well, it could have been worse. Lee Corso could have been announcing the game…”

Saturday games of interest:

#24 Georgia Tech - #11 Virginia Tech
3:30 ABC – Brad Nessler – Bob Griese – Paul McGuire

Last year the Hokies blew away the Jackets 51-7. However, VT has a freshman QB, two starters suspended, plus struggled against Cincinnati last week before finally taking control in the 4th quarter. Just so you know, it was the Cincinnati Bearcats, not Cincinnati Bengals. It’s make or break time for the Jackets. If they win, Chan Gailey will be safe for another year, and if that happens, I think this could be the win that propels them to the division championship. Ah, what the hell, I’m picking the Ramblin’ Wreck.

Alabama - #5 Florida
3:30 CBS – Verne Lundquist – Gary Danielson

If you think my column is wide of the mark this week, I blame Leigh Tiffin. Sorry, bad line. Anyway, the Tide is 7-1 at Gainesville and has the defense to stay with the Gators. Normally, I would be excited to sit in front of the TV with my Hooters wings (Hooters is the official wing supplier to Coach Scooter’s College Football Diary) and a big bottle of Harveys Bristol Cream while watching the S.E.C. headline matchup. However, when I saw Genius Danielson was the color analyst, I considered watching Boise State at Utah since it is pure hell to have to listen to that dunce. In fact, I did some checking and found out that having to listen to Danielson do the S.E.C. game of the week is punishment for shoplifting in some countries. Anyway, since the Gators are entering a four game stretch of hell (Bama, Auburn, L.S.U. and UGA in the next four games) I think they will lose one, maybe two. The skid starts now as Bama upsets Florida.

#10 Georgia - Ole Miss
9:00 – ESPN2 – Ron Franklin – Ed Cunningham

All right, let me get this straight. "The King" Ron Franklin, back from his stint as the play-by-play man for the Saperstein family backyard football game, is relegated to the ESPN2 late night S.E.C. game. Just who did he piss off to get this demotion? Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact he is doing an S.E.C. game, but this sort of thing has to stop. Pretty soon, they will be pairing him up with infomercial candidates like Pam Ward. Since I will be watching this game only to hear the King speak, as well as some possible shots of sorority girls tailgating in the Grove, I have to make a prediction. Dawgs cover the spread in easy win over the Rebs.

Stanford - U.C.L.A.
10:15 – FSN – Barry Tompkins – Petros Papadakis

The only reason I listed this game is for the announcers. Barry Tompkins, fresh from his stint on the set of the new movie, Cocoon: 3, Gridiron Glory, will be paired up with some dude named Petros Papadakis. Is he named for the place in Knoxville called Petros Chili and Chips? That name sounds like he is a Greek secret agent. “My name is Papadakis. Petros Papadakis. I’d like an Ouzo, shaken, not stirred…” Well, since I have to make a prediction for the game, I say Papadakis will steal Tompkins Geritol by the third quarter and walk away with the victory, as well as save the Rose Bowl from world domination.


#15 Tennessee – Memphis
12:00 – ESPN – Sean McDonough – Chris Spielman

The Vols travel to Memphis to take on the Tigers in what should be another fierce contest between two state schools. Memphis always plays the Vols tough, and Saturday should be no different. The key is the UT running game. Take away the 89 yard TD run by LaMarcus Coker and the Vols would have rushed for a net of 87 yards last week against Marshall. Just wait until UT plays Georgia, Alabama and L.S.U. where the yards can REALLY change! However, Memphis is giving up 185 yards a game on the ground, plus the fact Tommy West fired Joe Lee Dunn on Monday, so the Vols could be in for an easier time pounding the rock. Another key will be the fast start Memphis has gotten off to. In their first three games, the Tigers have outscored the opposition 53-28. But in the second half, they have been outscored 49-25 so that hints at a depth issue. As long as the Vols take control early, the depth should be the difference, but don’t be surprised if the game is close, like these games usually are. Coach Scooter picks the Vols, but close…

Garry Danielson mis-quote of the week: (If Ron Franklin is the king, then Gary Dainelson has to be the court jester)

It came in the second half of the Alabama-Arkansas game. When Arkansas performed the wrap around draw play, Genius Danielson uttered, “That’s called the ‘Enema draw.’” When a stunned Verne Lundquist stuttered, “The what,” Danielson replied, “The enema draw, since you come from behind.” I don't want to hear about that kind of stuff while watching football! It took me a quarter and a half to get back in to the game since I had several scary images hovering around me. The whole incident reminds me of something George Costanza from Seinfeld would have said. "The worlds are colliding! They are killing independent Scooter!"

Mailbag

Good call on the Holly Rowe stuff. I think she is a hottie too. However, go easy on Danielson, he’s not that bad.

Jerrod Stoller – Purdue Grad
Atlanta, Georgia

Hey, she’s mine, Stoller, so don’t you go bird-dogging my girl. As far as Danielson goes, I would give you ten bucks if you would get Purdue Pete to bash that guy in the mouth with his sledgehammer so we could all go back to watching the S.E.C. games in peace.

My Dear Nephew:

Have you gone to the dark side?! Are you going to watch the Memphis game or does Sweetie have you doing laundry, cleaning the gutters and getting shelf paper for the cabinets on Saturday? Or maybe you're driving up to the pumpkin patches in North Georgia to go pick out the perfect pumpkin for Halloween? Yeech! Do us all a favor and come back to the land of orange and white or I will send Klondike Earl down there to set you straight.

Aunt Molly

Anyone got the number of that witness relocation program? I might need that…

I had a lot of correct answers to the Vol trivia question this week, and the winner was Ronald Garvin of Kingsport, Tennessee. I wonder if he is the same Ronald Garvin who was known as the “One Man Gang,” in World Championship Wrestling? Anyway, I wanted to say thanks to those who responded, especially: Daniel E. Waters, Joe Lombard, Craig Wiley and Robin Smith of Decherd. TN. They also were correct and I wanted to let them know to keep writing with questions and comments, they are appreciated! The answer was 1, which was confirmed by the Blue Tick Kitty. Her comments are below.

Coach Scooter:

Let's see.....I seem to recall a fairly blustery day in November of 1996 that we lost to Memphis for the only time ever. Did I have too much alcohol in my cat nip? Did we not wear all orange that day as well? Or was I looking through orange colored glasses? Some good memories, Coach, with the mentions of the top five games of the Fulmer era. Keep up the great work on that, we Vol fans appreciate it!

Blue Tick Kitty
Knoxville, Tennessee

Well, BTK, it was a bad day in the Big Orange Nation as we lost to the Tigers, 21-17. We were not in the all orange that day. We were at Memphis, and we were in all white, the Tigers in all blue, and afterward, I was all liquored up! In 1999, we wore the all orange at home against Memphis, and it took a 53 yard pass from Tee Martin to Bobby Graham to set up the winning touchdown in fourth quarter as the Vols barely escaped 17-16. Thanks for your comments about the best games of the Fulmer era, it was fun to write!

If anybody has any memories of your favorite Tennessee games, send them to me and I will put them in my column!

All right, Vol fans, let’s get ready to get behind the Vols and see that they improve from last week since another moment of truth will be coming a week from Saturday on October 7th in Athens. Keep those questions and comments coming! volsdiary@yahoo.com. As I have mentioned before, keep the faith, rub those orange and white rosaries, repeat your game maxims, and never take Coach Fulmer’s name in vain. Go Vols!!