UTVols News and Opinions

Welcome to Coach Scooter’s College Football Diary. Let me tell you about the weekend I had, starting on Friday morning and ending earlier this afternoon.

Friday, September 1st 9:06am

As I do the on the eve of every Tennessee football season, I put in my home made CD of college fight songs on the way into work, which include the CBS and ESPN college football intro music. I knew I was ready for action after the CBS music when a couple of tears ran down my cheeks and I got goose bumps. Yep, Coach Scooter had his game face on!

Friday, September 1st, 10:14am
It’s not a real start to the football season until Aunt Molly calls. She too is boo-hooing after listening to the fight song CD I made her. Aunt Molly is one of the biggest Vol fans I know, and she is also famous for some of her sayings about her team. She has uttered: “Clausen is colder than a well diggers ass in January,” “The Mustang Package has gone over like a fart in church,” and her most memorable line after the 2003 Peach Bowl loss to Clemson, “We couldn’t organize a peeing contest in a brewery.”

Friday, September 1st, 8:35pm

You know it’s the beginning of college football season when you look forward to the Nevada-Fresno State game. Even my wife, who we will call Sweetie since she demanded I not use her name for obvious reasons, walked in, looked at the TV and said, “Why are they showing high school football games on ESPN?” I replied, “Exactly.” However, you have to love the fact Fresno State copied our checkerboard end zone design. Somewhere, Doug Dickey is probably getting a royalty check every time that’s shown.

Friday, September 1st, 9:08pm

Halftime comes and the “know it alls” at ESPN are previewing the Saturday games. All I hear is how Cal’s huge line is going to blow holes in the Vols’ new defensive front and Heisman candidate Marshawn Lynch will have a big day. After hearing this, I placed a call to Dr. Daniels, and after a few sips of therapy, I feel a little better about our chances. By the way, does anyone else think Fresno State should change their team slogan from “Shut up and just hit someone,” to “Shut up and win a game?” Just a thought.

Saturday, September 2nd 7:31am

Since I was too excited to sleep, I rolled out of bed and walked downstairs so I could watch SportsCenter. The only other mornings I can’t sleep are Christmas, and the morning of the Alabama game, so I am used to waking up early during the holidays. Anyway, while watching SportsCenter, I fell asleep on the couch and began to have a really hot dream about Erin Andrews and Jill Arrington wearing mesh Tennessee football jerseys and practicing center/quarterback exchanges. All is well until I hear the unmistakable voice of Beano Cook in my ear, and suddenly I see him wearing only a California football helmet, chasing the girls across the field. I hope this isn’t a harbinger of what lies ahead for us today. I am convinced Beano Cook died 30 years ago, but ESPN props him up every Saturday and uses computer animation to move his lips. Can I get an amen from the bobbleheads?

Saturday, September 2nd 2:32pm

Sweetie and I get down to Georgia Tech, her alma mater, for the start of the tailgating festivities before the Tech-Notre Dame game. I brought along a pint bottle of liquid therapy and stuff it in the cooler, since I am nervous about the Vols and know I will need it later. Sweetie is nervous as well, and in a moment of weakness, asks, “Is it all right we are Catholic and hate Notre Dame? Is that sacrilegious?” I calm her by saying. “It’s OK to hate Notre Dame. If you want to root for a Catholic school, root for Boston College.” Speaking of sacrilegious, I spent most of Friday painting my rosary beads orange and white, but don’t let Sweetie know about it since she would really get the red ass. I figure after last year, I have to appeal to a higher court if we are going to win more than five games in 2006.

September 2nd 5:15pm

The atmosphere here is electric! I haven’t seen so many people at the Georgia Tech campus on a Saturday since they held an Albert Einstein look-a-like contest before homecoming. Among the zany antics we have witnessed walking down to Yellow Jacket Alley were: An Irish fan wearing a gold hard hat with the Virgin Mary glued to the top of it; two male Notre Dame fans wearing blue and gold plaid kilts (I must admit they did have the legs for it); Tech fans wearing T-Shirts reading, “Rudy was offside,” and “Calvin has been beating Catholics since 1509.” But the best was two fraternity members holding up a sign reading, “You honk, we drink.” The streets were packed with cars, so by the time we walked by, one of the members was passed out cold on the sidewalk, and the other was a swimming cleat. I asked him what happened, and he slurred, “I don’t know. We never get this smashed when Duke or Wake Forest comes to town.” You figure that one out.

September 2nd 5:52pm

We just watched the Tech players walk past us and they looked focused. The best part was when the Ramblin' Wreck passed by and I got a good look at the cheerleaders waving their pom poms to the crowd. Sweetie saw this and immediately smacked me in the back of the head. I used to be much quicker. About that time, I heard my cell phone ringing, so I looked at the caller I.D and saw it was my partner in Vol crime, Coach B. I answered the phone and heard loud screaming, which meant one of three things. One, the Vols scored; two, we were going into the tank; or three, his crotch was on fire. Judging from the nature of the call, if it was anything but the Vols on the move, he wouldn’t have called. I waited for him to calm down, and after about five minutes, he was able to talk in complete sentences. “We just stuck it in the end zone!” he yelled. Then he took a breath, had a word with Dr. Daniels, and said, “Oh, and get this part, we got stripes back on the pants!” By now, my heart was beating faster, and as I scanned the tailgating scene, I saw a dish hooked up to a TV and the sight of those beautiful orange jerseys on it. I told Coach B I would call him back and began watching the game. After we scored again, I called Coach so we could take it into halftime together. Sweetie could only shake her head while downing her Mike’s Hard Lemonade as she watched two grown men act like high school girls talking on the phone about some guy they had a crush on. I’ll admit I have a man crush on the Vols, but so do a lot of other men in Big Orange Country.

September 2nd 7:15pm

Coach B called me after every score, and as time passed, I felt much better about the game and the season to come. I had long since drained the bottle of Jack I brought with me, and was now eyeing Sweetie’s last bottle of Mike’s. At this point, as frisky as I was feeling, I could have downed a bottle of Zima and been just as happy. I knew we were going to be all right in the third quarter when he told me he was eating Dreamland BBQ during the game. Similar to Red Auerbauch lighting a victory cigar, when Coach B feels good enough to eat during a Tennessee game, you know we are going to win.

September 2nd 8:06pm

We got into the game and found our seats just in time to see the band warming up the crowd. Unfortunately, I was sitting next to two Notre Dame fans and they are not real talkative. Don’t they speak English in South Bend? It’s a good thing Sweetie is on the opposite side from them, and has one of her sorority sisters to talk to, since she would have smacked the fat one and made him hold her jacket. Meanwhile, I was getting the red ass since they were showing scores of the other games and when they would get to the #9 team in the nation, the screen flipped to the Pitt-Virginia game. I felt better when Coach B called, and played the Tennessee Waltz for me, which brought another tear to my eye, which meant a Vol victory. As I gave Sweetie a victory kiss, I suddenly heard a jet flying towards us and it swooped over the stadium in a thunderous fly by, which was the coolest thing I have ever seen at a football game! It sent chills up and down my spine, and even Sweetie got tears in her eyes since it was so incredible. At first, I thought it might have been Maverick and Goose doing one of their circus stunt flyovers, and expected Brent Musburger to stumble into the press box, drenched in hot coffee and screaming, “I want some butts!” but it was just a special surprise that added to the incredible emotion of the night. Can we call Mike Hamilton and see if we can get on the jet list for the Florida game? I figure since Air Force comes to town on Saturday, they would bring their own jet, right?

September 2nd 10:35pm

A lot of people are really angry with the refs right now, on both sides of the ball. I have to use a line from our buddy Crash Davis who so eloquently stated, “You guys are Sears and Roebuck material!” FYI, since Coach Gailey didn’t use a certain word that officials don’t like to hear, he was able to stay on the sidelines for the rest of the game. The highlight for Tech in the second half was a water bottle that flew out from the crowd and one hopped off the referee’s leg. Pretty good throw from the stands, which brought out the one liners from Mr. Personality and his sidekick sitting next to me. “Did you see that? One bounce and it hit the ref in the leg.” “Yeah,” the fat one said to him, “It looked just like one of Reggie Ball’s passes.” Wow, it talks! Maybe someone will tighten the bolt on their necks on the way home? I didn’t say anything to Sweetie, since I wanted some post game action if you know what I mean, but after that call, I had the feeling Tech was not going to pull the upset.

September 3rd 12:46am

We are stuck in the Student Center parking garage and have not moved an inch for over an hour. Because of this, and the fact we drank all our alcohol, Sweetie and I made small talk to pass the time. The biggie of the conversation was her admitting she has been a closet Styx fan all her life. “Oh yeah, I had it bad for Tommy Shaw and cried for days when I heard Dennis DeYoung was going solo,” then she began singing “Too Much Time On My Hands.” Similar to Elaine dancing on Seinfeld, it was not a pretty picture.

September 3rd 1:45am

Unfortunately Sweetie passed out as soon as we got home, so there would be no 5th quarter for Coach Scooter on this night. The night was not a total loss since I immediately went to the TiVo and watched the UT game in peace. What a way to end the day…

September 3rd 10:12am

After the excitement and commotion of the Saturday games, I did what I always do on Sunday morning, and that is read the College Football section of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution while eating breakfast. It’s one of life’s simple pleasures, unless the Vols lose, and then I have to turn a blind eye to the article about their game. I also cannot watch ESPN until Wednesday after a loss. Can you imagine what I went though for about a month last year? Instead of ESPN, I sat at home watching Telemundo every Saturday night since I couldn’t bear seeing my team going down in flames. However, you’d be surprised how much fun being liquored up and watching hot Latin chicks shooting guns, or cross bows, or dancing in tight outfits can be when you are feeling sad. Hell, we went 5-6, but at least I can speak Spanish now.

Here are some observations about what I read:

Vols slam Bears

Were you as stunned as I was to see Tennessee completely dismantle ninth ranked California? The last time I saw a beating like that, Sonny Corleone was bashing his brother in law over the head with a trash can lid. I don’t want to get too giddy yet, since the jury is still out, and with the mighty Gators coming to town in two weeks, that’s when we know if our brave boys in orange have made it all the way back, but I’ll take it for now.

Trojans serve notice

Everyone who thought USC’s reign as one of the most dominate teams in the country was over, please raise your hand? Nah, I didn’t think so. The Trojans picked up right where they left off as they hung 50 on Arkansas. For the Hogs, who passed out gifts like a Santa Claus working overtime at the local Wal-Mart, it was an improvement from the 70 the Men of Troy posted on them last year. At this rate, Arkansas could start giving USC a competitive game somewhere during the 2017 season.

Buffalos or Buffoons

Let’s see here, Colorado lost their last four games in 2005, so they hired Dan Hawkins from Boise State to turn the ship around. The first opponent was I-AA Montana State, who came in a huge underdog for the home opener to boost the Buffs confidence and morale. Final score: Montana State 19, Colorado 10. Don’t forget, this was a team that played for the Big 12 championship last December. Way to go Big 12!

ACC vs. SEC

I have been hearing all summer the ACC has either caught up to, or has passed the SEC in terms of being the best football conference. I think Miami and FSU are solid, however, when you look at the entire conference from top to bottom, you have to ask yourself, “What are those chuckleheads talking about?” The SEC had two teams decisively beat two Pac-10 teams (Cal was ranked ninth), while the conference as a whole went 7-3, with the three losses going to (Insert laugh track here) Kentucky, Vanderbilt and Arkansas lopsided loss to USC. The ACC took it on the chin in these games: Duke fell to I-AA Richmond 13-0 (They didn’t even SCORE against an I-AA opponent), UNC fell to Rutgers 21-16, Maryland struggled to beat William and Mary 27-14, and Virginia lost to Pitt 38-13. Call me crazy (It won’t be the first time this year that will happen), but that doesn’t sound like a power conference to me. Besides, in a match up of the two conferences in last year’s Peach Bowl, LSU blew Miami out of Atlanta 40-3. This whole ACC-SEC thing reminded me of something my buddy Hedge (He’s a Georgia fan, and I have been calling him that for so many years I don’t even remember what his real name is anymore) once told me. A friend of his took him to see Virginia play James Madison, or Dolly Madison, or whoever, and just before kickoff, the guy nudged Hedge and said, “All right, son, now you are going to see some real football.” Hedge just smiled and nodded, then looked away and said under his breath, “Oh yeah, I’m really scared. Don’t let the big bad Cavaliers gets me…”

Monday, September 4th 11:57pm

I enjoyed watching the FSU-Miami game tonight. What defense! General Neyland is somewhere watching with a huge smile on his face. The hitting was barbaric, and it reminded me of playing Techmo Bowl when the computer would pick the right defense and would swarm on whatever play you tried to run. Both teams ran for a COMBINED 3 yards rushing, and I was convinced Kyle Wright’s head flew off inside his helmet when he got popped at the goal line in the second quarter. If the old saying of “Defense wins championships” is true, then it’s possible the Seminoles might be headed to the desert come January. FSU has three road games left on their schedule (N.C. State, Duke, and Maryland) plus, the Noles don’t leave home after October 28. If they can get through the ACC, Florida and the conference championship game, they might be playing for it all in the Fiesta Bowl.

Tuesday, September 5th 12:06pm

Spotlight on the Vols

I knew the 2005 season was a distant memory when I saw Montario Hardesty break away for a 43 yard touchdown run. He kept playing until the whistle blew, pumping his legs through, over and past the Cal defenders, plus did you see Robert Meacham throw a couple of blocks for him? After I saw that, I realized the team is headed in a totally different direction, and it reminded me of the glory days not too long ago when the Vols were the class of the SEC.

Was it a question of the Vols being that good, or Cal being that over rated? Only time will tell what the answer to that question is, but whatever it was, I liked what I saw. The anxiety we all felt from the final gun in Lexington in 2005, to the opening kickoff in Knoxville in 2006 was blown away in just 60 minutes. It seemed like the Vols were re-enacting the part in “A Christmas Story” when Ralphie exploded on Scot Farkus. I know we all waited for all that pent up anger to explode, and the Golden Bears were the unlucky recipient. However, the real test will be in two weeks when the Gators come to town. We’ll know then just where we stand in the SEC pecking order.

By the way, what did you all think of the double stripe on the pants? As mentioned earlier, Coach B and I are old school when it comes to the Vols uniforms, and we appreciated seeing the double stripe come back. I know we have to take baby steps here, but one day we hope to see those stripes move up the sleeve of the jersey, just like the Johnny Majors era jerseys. And can we please wear the orange pants every now and then? I know the last time we wore them we almost went into the tank against Memphis, but I like the orange pants and would enjoy seeing the Vols play at least one game a season in them. The Tennessee uniforms have been voted by many as the ugliest in college football, especially the away unis, so maybe this is a start off the worst dressed list. Don’t worry, we are nowhere near the nuclear meltdown of Oregon, but it could of happened so thanks to whoever cornered our uniform guy and held an intervention…

Vol Trivia Question

In the 1971 Sugar Bowl against Air Force, Tennessee scored 24 first quarter points in route to a 34-13 victory over the Falcons. Who was the MVP of that game?

A) Tim Priest
B) Steve Kiner
C) Bobby Scott
D) Steve DeLong

This week for the Vols

The Vols will host Air Force at 7pm. The game will be on ESPN’s Game Plan, and Video Seat. As mentioned above, this will be the second meeting between the two schools, the first in the 1971 Sugar Bowl. This will be the opener for the Falcons and their wishbone style option attack. Coach Fulmer said the Vols have a huge challenge in front of them since they will not see this kind of offense as the conference schedule heats up, and he hopes the Vols will show improvement from last week’s game.

This week’s big games

Ohio State at Texas

This could be payback for the Buckeyes as they saw Texas beat them in Columbus last season in route to a National Championship. Could this be a complete role reversal from last year’s game?

Penn State at Notre Dame

The Irish could slide into the #1 slot depending on the outcome of the game mentioned above. Key to the game will be the play of Texas freshman QB Colt McCoy. Now there is a name for a Texas QB. Much like Jim Bob Cooter at Tennessee.

Georgia at South Carolina

Mark Richt brings his Bulldogs to Columbia to face Steve Spurrier’s Gamecocks for early supremacy in the tough SEC East. Carolina had the Bulldogs well in their sights last seasons before losing 17-15, but this year the game is at Williams-Brice Stadium, and with the old ball coach on the sidelines, anything can happen.

Clemson at Boston College

This is an early game of importance in the ACC as the Tigers look to avenge their OT loss to the Eagles last season. With the Tigers possibly looking ahead to FSU next week, could the Eagles fall off their radar? Better not, or the For Sale signs could be popping up in a certain Bowden’s yard before you know it. And his name is not Bobby.

Looking forward to next week’s games, as well as putting it all down on paper. Make sure to repeat your game maxims, rub your orange and white rosary beads and never take Coach Fulmer’s name in vain. Until next week, this is Coach Scooter signing off. GO VOLS!!!!